Love is always worth the wait: Review of Shirin Farhad Ki Toh Nikal Padi, a Bollywood film

“Love has no age, no limit; and no death” – John Galsworthy

In an era where 40+ actors romance 20+ actresses, it is refreshing to see a romantic comedy that focuses on a topic generally considered ‘taboo’ in Indian culture – late marriages.  Indian girls, especially, are packed off to their in-laws before turning twenty-five!  In my thirty years of life, I have come across only one couple who chose to tie the knot past forty, and they shatter all stereotypes of the late bloomers!

An unmarried girl in her late twenties is widely regarded as not good looking, and therefore undesirable, or not successful, and therefore financially unviable, or cursed, and therefore unlucky!   Of course, such generalizations are stupid and sexist.  It is quite possible that the girl couldn’t or doesn’t want to get married for various reasons – perhaps she just hasn’t met the man who makes her heart sing or perhaps she chooses never to get married because her private, independent lifestyle keeps her content.  The aforementioned husband and wife are extremely successful journalists who fell in love late and are now very happy together – they even have a kid!  

Truly, love only needs a heart, not a wrinkle-free skin, as Shrin Farhad Ki Toh Nikal Padi postulates.  

Farhad Pastakia (Boman Irani) is a 40 year old bra and panty Parsi salesman, a fact that elicits several guffaws in the first half of the film, who lives with his loving, yet imperious mother (Honey Irani) and an adorable grandmother.  Mrs Pastakia’s ultimate goal is to get her son married, by hook or crook.  He is displayed like a trophy at several homes and signed on for Parsi Social Nights, but these efforts prove futile because his unconventional profession is always mocked.  Nonetheless, Farhad is proud of what he does, keeps his head held high, and waits for a bride who will understand him and love him for what he is.  Enter Shirin Fugawala (Farah Khan), an independent Parsi woman who works at the Parsi Trust.  

During their very first encounter, which is quite hilarious, Farhad confidently guesses her ‘number.’  Umm…not her phone number, but her bra size!!!  She takes a shine to him, but they forget each other.  Fate, or as Farhad says, "destiny", has other plans though.  They bump into each other again at a disastrous social night and hit it off instantly.    They go on couple of dates where Farhad shares his dreams and ambitions.  Shirin is the first woman to welcome him unconditionally, and it doesn’t take too long for the man to fall head over heels in love.

For her part, Shirin is appreciative of Farhad’s sincerity and affection, and gladly gives her heart to him.  Meanwhile, his mother is engaged in an ongoing bitter fight with someone from the trust over an illegal tank in her home.  No prizes for guessing who that ‘someone’ is!  This discord, along with other unfortunate incidents, creates issues for the couple, but love ultimately prevails and they are married in style!  

What I especially liked about the film were the realistic interactions between Shirin and Farhad.  In keeping with their age and experience, they are both confident about themselves and each other, and never resort to overly syrupy proclamations to demonstrate their love.  They are mature and practical, although Farhad is the dreamer out of the two!   For example, when Shirin and Farhad encounter opposition in the form of Mrs. Pastakia, they don’t make hasty decisions like eloping, which you would expect from a more brash or impulsive couple.  Instead, he respects his mother and firmly believes that she will see the light soon.  Such displays of maturity certainly elevate the viewing experience.

The music is actually quite nice.  Some people might find it unsightly to watch two middle-aged adults breaking into a spontaneous jig in the living room, but I loved it.  It would be a blessing to be as happy and spontaneous as these two fictional characters after turning 40!  Who says that only teenagers can dance? :P The melodious songs are also beautiful, although Farah doesn’t do a good job lip-synching.  These could have just played in the background to enhance the scene and emotions.    The HAHK, DDLJ and KKHH spoofs are fun to watch and will definitely be enjoyed by fans of these films.  

However, the USP(s) of SFKTNP are the performances.  The supporting star cast, led by the effervescent Honey Irani as Mrs Pastakia, lends adequate support, but they are mostly kept in the sidelines while the two lead stars take over the baton!

Boman is, as always, completely reliable and proficient.  As the honest and hardworking Farhad who doesn’t mind waiting for his love, he is excellent.  His versatility shines throughout the movie.  Take, for instance, the scene in which he gets naked in Shirin’s house because his friend tells him that any woman who turns on the music wants to have sex!  Farhad’s unapologetic awkwardness is wonderfully portrayed by Mr Irani.  At the opposite end is the scene where he breaks down in front of his mom, pleading him to let go of petty rivalries and accept his love, because ‘love feels beautiful.’  Again, he is first-rate.  Truly, no other actor could have done justice to the charming Farhad!

BUT while Boman’s excellence was expected, I was completely and pleasantly surprised by Farah’s talent.  As the bombastic and blustery Shirin, she sparkles and is simply FANTASTIC.  In fact, the character seems like an extension of Ms. Khan because she is outspoken and amicable in real-life.  Of course, the director smartly steers away from giving Farah extremely difficult emotional scenes, thereby hiding her weaknesses as an actress, but Shirin, as a character, needed someone who self-assuredly takes charge of her life.  This poise is portrayed beautifully by the choreographer turned director turned actress.  In fact, she has much better comic timing than the ‘supposed’ No 1 heroines of today! 

I am not saying that the movie is without flaws.  The screenplay drags at times and the placement of songs seems forced, BUT flawed as it is, SFKTNP is still a charming movie, reminiscent of the old Hrishikesh Mukherjee gems like Chupke Chupke and Golmaal.  

Definitely worth a watch.  In fact, I wouldn’t mind watching it again! 

Rating:  7/10

Facebook: Fad or Forever

The following article was published in hindustantimes.com, which got me thinking about the permanence of Facebook in our lives:

http://www.hindustantimes.com/technology/SocialMedia-Updates/Why-Facebook-users-satisfaction-is-plunging/SP-Article1-891877.aspx

Let me admit it right away.  I am a Facebook fan (NOT so of Zuckerberg after watching the "Social Network" though, I am afraid!).   I check my page some 10 times an hour, well aware that no one would have posted any comments!!!   I post every insignificant picture and broadcast every insignificant detail of my life.  Simply put, it is an addiction.   

What I find most beneficial about FB:

a.  As someone who gets extremely nervous talking over the phone, it offers a wonderful platform to keep in touch with my friends.  
b.  It is a fantastic way to keep abreast of the goings-on of my favorite celebrities (I am a 'movie and book'-buff, as my family and friends would testify!).  
c.  Almost every picture of mine is termed 'beautiful!' hahaha....there is a reason you have 'Friends' - they are willing to lie for your happiness :D
d.  The inspirational quotes shared by various members 
e.  The jokes that are sure to brighten bleary days
f.   Offers the opportunity to learn new things (hidden talents) of friends that wouldn't normally be apparent
g.  Support offered by friends during stressful times
h.  It is FUN to post, share and connect


But, recently, FB has come under a lot of scrutiny for its unpopular updates (e.g. the new Timeline view), auto-posts, and poor privacy.  In addition, according to several news reports, employers are using FB as a screening tool for current employees and potential recruits.  Maintaining a good 'Facebook' image has therefore become very important, which could lead to users deactivating or 'cleaning' up their account.    Will the Fun be removed out of Facebook?   And, if so, will it have the same appeal?  More importantly, competitors such as Google and Microsoft are coming up with new and creative ways to enter the social media arena.   Will these rivals spell the doom for the largest social network platform?

What are your thoughts - is FB just a fad or is it here to stay forever?

Paradise on Earth

I smiled at the Tulsi plant set to the right of the entrance door.  I never looked at it directly during my childhood. I was afraid that a snake would be curled around it.  Today, I touched its four corners and bowed down in reverence.  


And instantly felt closer to my grandparents.  


I was blessed to be visiting their home - Gokulam.   The house is sold, (thankfully to some wonderful people), but to my entire family, Gokulam will always be our very own Paradise on Earth.    


I touched the entrance gate of Gokulam before stepping into the pathway that led to the foyer.  Even as I was walking towards the house, I could sense my grandparents looking at me from above, blessing me and loving me the way only they could.   I immediately felt lighthearted and calm.  


Entering the foyer, my eyes sought the nameplate of my grandfather; B. Gopalan - it said in big, blue capitalized letters.   I caressed it several times, tears welling in my eyes, wishing that I could caress his cheeks just one more time.   Looking down, I saw a lopsided, dirty mat, which, according to my mother, was apparently the same mat on which our entire family have wiped their legs. I was seized by a compulsion to touch it too.  Smiling, I unlocked the door, my hands shaking in excitement, and placed one foot ahead of another into the house.   


Only to be immediately bombarded by memories of some of the happiest times in my life. 


I could literally see the twinkle in my granddad's eyes whenever he caught me sneaking some cards away during his favorite game of Solitaire.  I could see my sheepish grin and hear his infectious laughter.  I could see his mouth curving with satisfaction as his little granddaughter continuously and remorselessly tapped his bald head.  I could sense him sitting next to me and hugging me as we watched cricket in the hall or living room.     I could hear my grandmom's ceaseless rat-tat-tat (of her heels) as she bustled about like a busy bee, taking care of everything in the house, with nary a complaint.  I could hear my grandparents bickering, followed by hushed whispers between granddad and me.  I could see my grandma give him a stern expression as he smothered a giggle.  I could hear her sigh, shake her head, and simply ignore her annoying man.  (I can also see my grandparents holding hands for pictures - THAT, my friends, was true love :D)


I entered the former 'Prayer room' and payed by respects with my mother.  I touched walls, opened windows, slept on the ground.  I entered the room wherein flourished my realization of first love!!!!  I looked at the empty spot where my granddad's picture used to hang.  I could sketch his every contour in my head.    Everywhere was the fragrance of laughter, love and warmth of my uncles, aunties and cousins.  It felt ethereal.


Then I went upstairs, where the current home owner's family resides.   My feet dragged itself throughout the house. My favorite moment came when I stepped onto the balcony: I spread my hands wide, tipped my head to the sky, and swayed in the wind.  I reconnected with freedom and happiness.  My hosts offered me a chair.  I politely declined, wanting to physically connect with the floor of the house. Listening to the voices around me, I felt completely at peace, a first in an eon, and wished the moment would never end.  


But reality encroached too soon, and after bidding goodbye, I walked down the stairs, my heart heavy with the poignant memories of those golden days.   Tears threatened to take me over again, and my mom and I were ruefully shaking our heads for not bringing the camera.  Stepping out, I sat on one of the two parapet walls connected to the front of the house.   


I laughed quietly, thinking about the number of hours we kids used to spend outside - chatting, playing, teasing, fighting!!!!  I walked around the home, looking above at coconut trees, recollecting my mother's naughty tales about her childhood.   My heaviness vanished, and I chided myself for mourning about the lack of a camera.  I didn't need a camera.  You can delete pictures from a camera; but the pictures and images of my days with my relatives at Gokulam will be entrenched in my soul for posterity.  


I give my grandparents complete credit for imbuing their home with divine purity and unconditional love, making Gokulam a unanimous favorite among all of us.   They had seven children.  Each one of them a gem.  Each one of them still completely devoted to their parents.   Their positive influence, teachings and ideals have blessed us all our lives. And if I ever have children, I hope GOD will give me the heart to raise them the way my grandparents raised their entire family.  


As I walked back towards the gate, guarding the house from the external world, I turned around to look at Gokulam.    Though the empty house was devoid of any furniture, it will never be devoid of my grandparents' presence.  I could still sense the soul of my grandparents in every nook, corner and pore.  Gokulam will always remain their home.  And, we, their children.  


Today, our family is scattered across continents, but we are still bound by the very love that my grandparents inculcated in each one of us.   I know my grandparents will always watch over and protect us. I am deeply blessed to be a recipient of their affection and adoration.    I just hope I never let them down.  


Love you, Thathu and Patti, forever and ever and ever.  So what if you are no longer physically present?  So what if you no longer physically 'reside' in Gokulam?  For as long as your blessings empower us from above, the world shall be our paradise.  


*********************

Movies, Magic and Mania...

Every fan of the Indian, specifically Hindi, movie industry is mourning the loss of the charismatic Rajesh Khanna, the nation's first superstar who swept every woman off her feet during his peak in the 1970s.  His mannerisms, songs and innocence captivated the heart of every movie-goer, and all the articles I read, since I wasn't born until the next decade, claim that no one has ever commanded that kind of popularity since.  He was, quite literally, a craze.  Women used to kiss his car windows, touch the ground beneath his car tires to feel closer to him, and send him countless letters in blood!!!

Ironically, though, his meteoric rise was only rivaled by his meteoric fall, and at the time of his death, he was nothing but a forgotten shadow of his past.  His ego, alcoholism, controversial personal life and poor movie choices ensured his downfall completely. Nonetheless, his death inspired millions to brave the harsh monsoon rains in Mumbai, India to attend his funeral.  The forgotten legend during his lifetime has now been immortalized after death.

What is it about movie stars (around the world) that inspires such fanaticism?   Why do we dedicatedly love the mavens of the glamour world, knowing very well that their on-screen persona is just a facade.  We don't know what lurks beneath those pretty faces and polished diplomacy. What's worse, despite knowing the horror stories of some stars, we continue placing them on a pedestal.  We idolize them.  We defend them.  We fight among ourselves to prove THEIR superiority.    Why?  Is it because they unlock a magical, perfect, idyllic world through their roles and performances?  Are we so enchanted by their beauty and poise on-screen that we are often willing to ignore the potential reality?  Do we associate their roles with their personality?  That is, if an actress plays a faultless angel on screen, do we immediately believe that such a natural performance is not possible unless they embody the same virtues in real life?  In an era where it's difficult to trust your own kith and kin, how do we have the courage to trust complete strangers?

On my part, I am devoted to certain celebrities because their performances keep me happy.  They make me smile.  They make me cry.  They make me FEEL.  But, again, I don't know them, and hence my obsession is still confusing.    For instance, I am an ardent, ardent, ardent (haha) fan of an Indian actress called Madhuri Dixit.  To me, she is the epitome of grace, womanhood, expressiveness, talent and modesty.  I get irritated when anyone makes a less-than-flattering comment about her.  I have stopped liking people because they don't share my adoration and admiration for her.

Objectively, my behavior is irritational, but when has obsession ever been rational?  Obsession is, by definition, insane, and insanity is never a quality to be proud of.  Still, when she responded to one of my Facebook comments on her page today, I jumped with joy.  I called this 'the happiest moment of my life', (only to learn from a fellow fan that the person who responded isn't actually the movie star, but a member of her fan club!!!!).  And if something bad ever happens to Dixit, I might very well swim in depression.   Why do I feel this extreme sense of connection and bonding with her?  I feel almost silly writing about this, but the 'moviestar-mania' that grips nations is mind-boggling, isn't it?

Would love to hear all your thoughts...so 'comment' away! 

Not just art, games too imitate life...

I am having the best time with my mother in Tamil Nadu, India!!! Out of the 12-15 waking hours in a day, I spend 3 hours eating, dressing and chatting with Mommy; 3 hours reading or shopping, and the remaining 6-10 hours glued to the computer playing the card game  'Hearts.'  (Yes, I am inevitably going to fall prey to Carpel Tunnel Syndrome)  What a futile waste of time, you might say! Well, you are right  - why else would I spend so much time playing it!  


However, over the past week or so, I have noticed that the game has oriented me to several interesting facts about life, in general, and my personality, in specific.   Hence, what started off as an efficient excuse to avoid helping my poor mom around the house (haha...:D) has turned into an interesting, eye-opening experience.   Honestly, the game teaches me new things every time.

But, first, it is important to understand the game to better appreciate my claim.

The game requires four players.  At each turn, the card deck is divided equally - i.e. 13 cards each - between them, and each player has to give up three cards to another player.  Say, there are four players: A, B, C and D.  Player A can give to B who gives to C who gives to D; or Player A can give to D who gives to C who gives to B.  There are several alternatives, and a probability theorist will be able to tell you the exact different ways to pass three cards!  Note that one player can neither receive cards from more than one player nor give cards to more than one player.  An additional rule is that no cards are passed every fourth turn.  That is, players pass cards the first three times, they don't pass any the fourth time; again, they pass cards the fifth, sixth and seventh time, and don't pass any the eighth time, and so on.

The player's final goal is to minimize the number of points received, ideally per turn or, more realistically, by the end of the game.   Ace is the highest card, while two is the lowest (Ace-King-Queen-Jack-Ten-Nine-Eight-Seven-Six-Five-Four-Three-Two).   Each card in the 'hearts' suit is worth one point, while the queen of spades is worth thirteen.  The rest are not worth any points.   In essence, the number of points one can receive ranges between 0 and 26 per turn.   The game ends when a player(s) reaches or exceeds 100 points.   The player with the lowest score wins.   Remember that the cards with no points are just as important, if not more, to ensure your success.   High cards in suits other than hearts can also easily reduce your chances of winning.

The game is quite simple, but also exciting because while it is easy to win, it is just as easy to lose.   Your points depend largely on:  (a) Luck - players are handicapped if they don't have good cards or receive high-points cards from another player; (b)  Strategy - players have to carefully think about which cards to pass because their decision can go a long way in minimizing their risk; (c) Timing - when to play which card is very very important.   Being alert really helps here; (d) Practice:  the more you play, the better you will get at anticipating your opponents' moves (AND cards), and the higher the frequency of your winning.

Aren't these also the most important ingredients of a successful life?  Yes, it is too simplistic to assume that a card game can offer insights, but I believe that a person's approach to ANY situation can reveal a lot about his or her personality.     For instance, I have learnt that:

a.  I prefer a challenge.  When I have really good cards in a turn, I am almost disappointed.  I'd rather win a fair fight than emerge triumphant due to an unfair advantage.


b. I tend to give up easily too!  It's funny that someone who enjoys a challenge is also a quitter, but I noticed that when my cards seem too dismal, I deliberately make the wrong moves to end the game quickly instead of trying to salvage the situation as much as possible.


c.  I am willing to take risks, but couple of failures erode my confidence, and I play safe again.  To give an example:  I normally try to ensure that I don't have one suit in my hand so when an opponent plays a card of that missing suit, I can ruff it with a high-score card from another suit, preferably Q of spades or a heart card.  However, there are times when I take a risk by deliberately keeping all the suits in hand just to make the game more exciting.  But if this strategy backfires even once, I fall back into my 'safe mode. ' 


d.  The entire process of successfully anticipating the moves and cards of my 'computer opponents' gives me a high!   I almost always feel like a strategist for a big firm who is responsible for a product's success...ha


e.  While I do get dejected by losses, I don't let it prey on my mind for too long, although being triumphant obviously makes me happy.  However, silly mistakes do get me down, such as playing the Queen of Spades when I have other good cards in my hand!

But apart from giving an insight into my personality, the game draws strange parallels to life itself.  Consider the following facts:

a.  One needs to sacrifice something in order to achieve something bigger and better:  How many times have we sacrificed sleep to ace exams?  Or  stayed away from fatty foods to lose weight?  No one can be successful without giving up something close to their heart.   Similarly, in Hearts, I have often lost one or more turns before winning the game.  It's just another variation of 'lose the battle, win the war.'

b.  Life often gives us the chance to atone.  Name one person who hasn't erred in life! But all is not lost because of our mistakes.  The secret to success lies in realizing our mistakes and taking steps to correct them as much as we can.  In this game too, I have made simple mistakes, such as accidentally dropping the wrong card or voluntarily giving up many points because of some misdirected anger.  However, one bad turn frequently gives way to another good turn as long as I stay away from repeating my errors.

c. Tackle your weaknesses first.  How often have you postponed 'difficult or uncomfortable' tasks, hoping that you may never get around to doing them?  How often have you then wished that if only you had completed the tough tasks first life would be so much easier?   Well, I can speak for myself and say, 'a million times!'  This game too exemplifies the importance of dealing with 'weaknesses', or in this case, 'bad cards' that will negate our chances of scoring low points.   After years of playing this game, disposing my uncomfortable cards has become a priority, thereby greatly increasing my percentage of success.

d.  Never worry about what others will do.   It's a simple truth that we can only control our actions.  Hence, brooding about someone else's decisions and actions will only lead to hours of unwanted procrastination and depression. I cannot change others, so why bother worrying about them?  I hardly think about which card my opponents are going to throw because the best I can do is strategize based on their moves.

e.  Life throws unexpected curveballs.  Just when things are going very smoothly, life throws a googly that shocks you to the core.  In this game, I have often been in situations wherein one bad card in my hand ruins that entire turn.  What can I do in such situations?  I can only be accepting and do the best I can to salvage the situation.   Isn't this the perfect way to lead our lives too?  Isn't this solution better than becoming bitter and ruining any chances of success in the future? Having a long-term outlook is a must for a happy life.

f. Over-confidence is one of the biggest evils of humanity.  Confidence helps.  Over-confidence kills.  I can name several personalities from a variety of professional fields who have fallen off their triumphant throne solely due to their over-confidence.  Why do people overdo their confidence?  I suspect it makes them feel special and invincible.  But the first step towards becoming vincible is the same over-confidence because it blinds us to our faults and potential obstacles.  During the course of this game, I have often smiled smugly at my 'computer opponents' until they shockingly put me in my place.  What seemed like an easy-breezy turn suddenly becomes disastrous due to some miscalculation that bred out of over-confidence.  Believe in yourself.  Be confident.  Just don't be unnecessarily cocksure.

g.  Life has some unfair rules.  Suck it up and do your best.   There is one weird rule in the game of Hearts.  If one opponent bags all the 26 points in one turn, he is given 0 points while the rest of the players get 26 points.  The rule doesn't quite make sense to me, but I have given up minding it.   How many times have you thought, "If only my office didn't have this stupid rule.."; or "If only the government didn't ask us to pay taxes.....".  What we don't realize that everyone has to follow the same rule, and instead of cribbing and whining incessantly we should decide to stay within the limits and deliver efficiently and effectively.


h.  Bide your time patiently.  Patience is a virtue not many appreciate in today's fast-paced society.  People want results too quickly.  They equate patience with procrastination.  In my opinion, success lies not in striking constantly, but in striking at the right opportunity.  You can do nothing and still do everything.  I have to sometimes stand in the sidelines in the game while my opponents take home the winnings.  I accept high-score cards, patiently increasing my score, until finally attacking with the best card that will still keep me in the lead.  


i. It's okay to lose - in your loss lies the secret of your potential success.  There are times when I lose this game very badly, but these losses only make my wins more special because I knew I have worked hard, corrected my mistakes, and therefore deserve them.  In life too, losing doesn't mean the end.  It only means that you are in the right path towards success because mistakes are invaluable.  They inform and educate you about what works and what doesn't, which will only aid in your future triumphs.  So, chin up people, and keep trying.  Each time you fumble, smile and save the experience in your head.  Very soon, you will reach the pinnacle of success, thanks to those failures.

To sum up, the game 'Hearts' reinforced the only edict of life that genuinely matters:  Be sincere, diligently do your best, don't worry about the consequences (adapted from a beautiful saying from Bhagvat Gita).   There is no other surefire way to success.

Why is this blog any different

I have created several blogs in the past, but never followed through on my intentions to update them regularly.  So why am I creating this new blog?  What do I believe will be different this time?

Simply that, I have become serious about writing.  For the past few weeks, I have toyed with the idea of becoming a freelance writer; not for the money, but for the practice, because my long-term goal is to pen a book on my tryst with eating disorders.

I have always been passionate about writing, but rarely have I ever written. I was like one of those writers who want to write, but cannot find anything to write.  My writer's block was a convenient excuse to avoid taking time out to write.

After years of procrastination, I have finally realized that I can never be a writer if I don't write!  On the surface, it's so simple.  How do you become a writer?  You write.  The more one writes, the more easily will the ideas flow, and the better one gets at this craft.

With this 'final' realization in mind, I have decided to throw caution to the wind and simply write.  My blogs might remain unknown forever, I might not connect with anyone, and my writing might get me nowhere, but at least I shall indulge my dream of being a writer.  My words will be my own.  My thoughts will be unique.  And my dreams will be fulfilled.

Nothing can make me happier.  So, sit back, and enjoy the ride with me!